I haven't forgotten you...

Hello my lovely readers,

No, I have not forgotten about this blog. I am not crazy busy or crazy in love and neglecting this humorous outpost. I have not become bored of it or decided it wasn't a good idea. I love "In the City".

I'm just not dating. :-p

Summer in NYC is notorious for being a non-meeting people season. Everyone is traveling, it is too hot some nights to care about how you look....these are partially excuses, but I don't know what else to say. It is mid-September so there are a couple of good dating months ahead until we get too close to the holidays.

I'm working on meeting people and I'll keep you posted as the dates occur, until then, if you know anyone you think I'd like or would provide good material for the blog, please feel free to send him my way. inthecity3@gmail.com

Summer Wedding Hookup Surprise

I went to an out of town wedding in June by myself. I was invited plus-one but didn't have anyone to bring and all my girlfriends said it was the perfect opportunity to meet someone and have some wedding hookup fun. Some people reason, this is the beauty of wedding season; the chance of finding someone special, or at least hang out for a night with someone fun.

I didn't seek anyone out and at the reception realized it was more fun hanging with college friends, the bridesmaids, and the bride and groom then a random guy. But, when all was over and we went back to the hotel, I was still pretty energized and not ready to go up to my king size bed quite yet.

I went to the hotel bar where there was an unofficial post-party going on. A few drinks later, one of the bride's friends from high school was not in a position to drive home and okay...we had been flirting while drinking. I tried to send him to share a room with another guy, but you can imagine how that worked out.

Needless to say, we ended up in my room and fooled around a bit. That is all. Kind of.

When I got up later and looked in the mirror I realized I had a little surprise from my new friend. A hickey!!!!

Yes, like the high school style makeout mark. To be fair, I realized when it happened and steered the situation elsewhere, but once you realize it, it is too late. And of course, this is June, so there were no turtlenecks to cover my embarrassment. It wasn't a huge hickey and I had some collared shirts to wear to work, so no one was the wiser.

I have laughed about this so much because it is just plain embarrassing and funny. The bride enjoyed the story as well, even though I feel bad it was her old friend. I vow to be more careful the next wedding I go to!!!!

And I must say, I disagree with the quote from Grease: "A hickie from Kenickie is like a Hallmark card, when you only care enough to send the very best! " Care in a different way, without the love bite!!!

And...nevermind.

So remember how triumphant I felt the other day? When I met a guy and totally went for it?

Yeah, that didn't really work out as well as I had hoped. Below is a quick timeline of our "communication".

Met Saturday late afternoon, hung out until 11:30 pm
Me- texted him Sat night so he had my number
Him- texted back Sun around 12:30pm, I replied
Me- called him Mon night
*Only did this for two reasons, normally, I make the guy call me. But, when he gave me his number he said "Here is my number so you can call me" and also, I was leaving town Thursday so I thought maybe if I called Mon, we could have drinks on Wed. Otherwise, I would have waited until Tuesday.

Never hear back from him so mentally, I give up. Not giving up on dating, just a feeling that he won't call.

Fri 3:30 (I'm at the beach) - he texts
Fri 5:30 - I reply to text saying I'm at beach
Fri 8:30 - I text again to see if he wants to make plans for this week (motivated my alcohol, oops!)

And then, never heard from him. His 4 or 5 day window between communication is up, so I'm officially declaring him uninterested and have given up.

I think one mistake I made was texting him twice on Friday, but at the same time, if he was interested, he would have responded at some point. I'm just annoyed he teased me with the Friday text. He should have just never replied after the Monday call and I would have gotten the message.

Oh well- it is summer and people don't really date in New York in the summer because they're at the Jersey Shore/Hamptons/other beaches and it is too hot to mingle.

I'm just going to review my dating book this month and get ready for dating in September!

A Request

I have a prayer request for you all.

One of my co-workers is 9 months pregnant, due next week and her father passed away on Saturday after losing his battle to cancer.

She is checking with her doctor to see if she can make it down to GA from NY for the funeral. It is a lot of stress and sorrow right now, both with the passing of her father and the logistics of if she can travel.

So I just ask you to keep her in your prayers, for strength to get through a difficult time and to make it through to the positive, with the birth of her little girl soon.

Thanks!

I Came, I Saw, I Conquered

Okay...not quite conquered, but I saw a cute guy, talked to him, and ending up hanging out with him for 4 hours (with my girlfriends) and got his number.

Let me start at the beginning. 5 of us girls went out to Governor's Island on Saturday to hang out in the park to read magazines and snuck beers out there as well. Then, we headed over to Water Taxi Beach, which is a beach style bar on the same island, with a view of the tip of Manhattan. Gorgeous weather, super fun day. It was already a great Saturday.

While snacking on hot dogs and margaritas, I spied a cute guy. He was alone, tall, and just seemed nice. I've been craving dating again after a few months off and I had enough alcohol in me to give me a little courage. After all, my last official date was the one with the chaperone.

So, I had a wingwoman and I went for it. We chatted for a bit on the beach, took the ferry back to the city, then took the subway to another super fun outdoor bar.

By 11:30, I had his number and had kissed him once. It was good.

I was proud of myself; I saw a guy, I went for it, and was totally myself; we had a good night.

On the flip side, I had a lot to drink and he seems really shy, but hopefully more will come of this. Until then, I have the high of feeling like I'm back in the dating pool. We've texted a little and hopefully we'll make plans this week.

I'll keep you posted...

Fuming Friday- The EX

I hate that my ex boyfriend still gets under my skin.

Whether it is his occasional facebook update or a memory I have of him, sometimes I'm sad and sometimes I'm angry. But overall, I'm unhappy with myself for letting it bother me.

He was my first love and for a while, I thought he was the one. So....there were some strong feelings that are tough to overcome, but it is getting close to a year since we broke up and I just wish I could forget about him and not care.

I guess I'm fuming at myself this week, but don't worry, I'm not beating myself up too much. Just recognizing that the situation bothers me should help.

The other thing that would help is dating someone new! But alas, summer in the city is not the time to date- weekends everyone flees to the beach or the suburbs for weddings. That's partly why stories have been scarce- I have a few more up my sleeve and then fall will bring more dating fun!

Funny Friday

I am T-minus 6 work days until I'm on vacation, so I am in a great mood and thought I'd mix it up and call today Funny Friday.

Last summer my boyfriend and I were driving out to the Hamptons and chatting in the car. We were talking about movies and books and he goes:

"they should have something like Netflix, but for books"

My reply:

"they do, it is called the library."

He wasn't a dumb guy, just every now and then said something that was bordered on dumb.

We both laughed then and many times later when we remembered the story. I now know there is an online book rental company, but it is not as efficient as Netflix, and the moral of the story is that the library is the original Netflix.

Happy Friday!

Housekeeping

Thursday is the new Friday this week, at least at my office, due to the 4th being on Saturday, so I thought I'd post today in lieu of Fuming Friday tomorrow.

And... this is not a complaint. This is a housekeeping note.

Due to limits to both my blog skills and the google model, I can't add a snazzy button for guest posts. So, I have set up a guest post email. Please submit your stories if you feel they should be shared. No pressure, just trying to keep it interesting.

Send your dating woes, disasters, and hilarious moments to guest.inthecity@gmail.com and look for them on the site! And I will keep you anonymous, no worries there.

T

Mortified

So obviously sleepover dates have huge potential. Potential to be awkward, potential to be romantic, and worst case scenarios, down right gross.

The 40-year-old and I did an overnight at his place one night and then the following weekend, we went to my place. No sex, just not ending the date until the AM. Oh, but there was a small difference the night we went to my place.

He and I actually didn't go on a date, I met up with him after doing BYOB dinner with my girlfriends. 8 girls, 7 bottles of wine and not enough Thai food. Yes, a great state to be in when meeting up with a guy who you are still getting to know.

Needless to say, when we went to sleep, I passed out in bed. Slept quite well and didn't wake up with a hangover. But when I woke, I was alone in bed. He moved to the couch because he said I was snoring too loudly.

OMG, how embarrassing. There is nothing dainty, girly, pretty, etc about a girl who is snoring so loudly the guy moves to the other room. I'm a bit old fashioned and think that only men snore, except, I know that I sometimes do it myself.

A friend of mine decreed this awful of him and was bothered, said it was rude. I was just so embarrassed, I didn't know how to act.

Either way, we didn't last too long, but what do you think? Was he rude or was I just a little too drunk to handle?

Mr. and Mrs. ?

Okay, so this isn't a bad dating story, but it is something I thing about. Two lists: things that will make me a good wife (in my opinion, obviously) and things I need in a husband.


Me:
I can roast a perfect Thanksgiving turkey.
I know how to manage home improvement projects like floor replacement and kitchen renovation.
I like to watch sports.
I like to do the dishes, I find it very cathartic


Him:
Needs to be able to make eggs; I love to eat them, suck at making them. Yes, it is ironic that I can roast a turkey and not make scrambled eggs.
Keep a good household budget; try as I might, I am not so good with money. Except of course, spending it.
Ability to fix small projects, like when you come home and the top living room window falls open, someone needs to close it. (or when you're single you call the doorman for help)

How old is TOO old?

I was at a wedding recently and we were talking about the age difference between one couple (not the bride and groom) and someone said, "he's older- like 28." Most of the women at the wedding were about 25.

My reply to this was, "older is relative" because I fell for a guy recently who wasn't quite honest about his age. We met at a charity event and totally hit it off; like the kind of night where you talk in the bar until 3am without drinking too much and just falling for each other. I had never had a night like that.

Before our official first date, I googled him (I usually do...) and had an inkling that he was older than me. This was based on his school resume on his Linked In account. I was hoping he was the legal version of Doogie Howser. Either way, I was still intrigued and thought if he felt significantly older, it wouldn't go past the first date.

Needless to say, he didn't feel too old. Second date, I pushed him to admit how old he was. He said 10 years ago, he moved to NY and was my age. So....35. Not too bad, totally within my range. And again, we had chemistry.

Come 4th date, after he had been to my place and seen my lifestyle and pictures, he basically told me we needed to stop dating. In part because he realized he was almost closer in age to my dad than to me. Yikes!

Turns out, he was 40. Still a good guy, but 15 years is too much. I think deep down that I knew he wasn't really 35 but turned a blind eye because he intrigued me. Lesson learned there, trust your gut!

There are a couple of more stories about this one....ladies who know them, don't spoil them in the comments, they are coming soon.

Fuming Friday: Lying on a date

I know when you're on the first couple of dates with someone you are trying to present your best self. But if that involves lying, did it ever occur to you that you would be caught if you continued to date this person? If you feel like you have to lie to impress a girl, maybe she isn't right for you.

Agreeing with something that you actually don't agree with, lying about your age, making up stories about summer houses or jobs....all of these are things that have happened to me and once I got more serious with the people, I realized they weren't true.

I'm not really angry about those, but rather, disappointed because I learned he was not the person I thought I was falling for.

I understand it takes a lot of confidence to date, especially in NYC where people are constantly trying to impress each other, but please, be yourself. If someone doesn't like you for you, you should not be dating!

Guest Post: He Did WHAT?!

This guest post is from K, a very great friend who has had her share of dating in the city...

Breakups are rarely easy. There is the heartache, denial, and rebounding.

Skip forward to the rebounding…. It’s fair to say that in August of 2008 I was on the rebound. My boyfriend (who was involved in coining “the Harvard” ) had left me for, well, Harvard. One Thursday night, I was a combination of hurt, horney and drunk. I found myself at some dive bar on the East side of town staring at an ex’s friend. Way too many shots, gin and tonics and Bud Lights later we were headed to his place.

I’ve never been a fan of the “away game.” I prefer to use my own bathroom, sleep in my own bed and wake up without having to take the walk of shame. Besides, girls apartments are always MUCH nicer. So in the taxi on the way to this guys place I made an executive decision and rerouted the taxi to my place instead.

The details at this point get incredibly foggy. There was awkward drunk undressing and sloppy sloppy sex after which we both passed out. Fast forward approximately 3 hours to 5am. I awake groggy and hung over. As my hand falls to my side I feel something oddly warm and wet. Immediately, I spring up and realized the horror – he peed in my bed. My beautiful, soft, pillowtop bed complete with designer sheets and bedding. This was not just a small leak but rather a massive flooding. I immediately pushed his naked ass out of bed and ripped the sheets off. I kicked him out so fast I didn’t even get a name. As he was leaving all I could hear was, “I’m so sorry – this has happened before.”

OH MY GOD! If this has happened before you need to do one of a few things:
1. Stop drinking
2. Wear Depends
3. Stop drinking

Now it’s 5am, I’m still drunk and in a full panic. I want to call my friends but none of them will be too happy to hear from me at 5am. But still, I don’t know what to do. The obvious solution is to call…. the radio station! (seriously, what was I thinking).

They were of NO help so I proceeded to mop up the mess with paper towel and call a cleaning service. The cleaning cost almost $300 so of course I called my ex to find out who this guy was and get him to pay. He made me fully explain the entire situation before agreeing to broker a payment.

I still have no idea who this guy was but I got a certified check in the mail and almost a year later I’ve finally stopped having nightmares about waking up in a pool of urine. I’ve also stopped having one night stands.

-K

Fuming Friday: Facebook Photos

Doesn't it just drive you crazy when an ex posts pictures on his Facebook page in an album called "Friends" but all the people are people you introduced him to? And even though you were at all the events, there isn't one picture of you included? Oh, and the pictures are from your camera.


The morning I discovered this I was so angry. Buddy, you wouldn't have met those people, been to those parties, or had those pictures if it weren't for me.


But I win, because the friends know they were with me before him and will stick with me after him.


PS- love the alliteration of the title :) TGIF

Sick and Single

Sorry it's been so quiet this week. I came down with strep throat, so definitely no dating!

Though I think the germs could have come from a guy...more on him later ;)

T

Fuming Friday

I've decided that Fridays are going to be short rants about boyfriends/dates/guys that leave you fuming for a bit. Because the dating world is not really all laughs, there have been things that really made me mad. Feel free to share yours; I don't think I have enough for every Friday. But here's my first sound off:

"Undeserving Enchiladas"

I make really good enchiladas. My recipe is based on what my sister makes, but I'm thinking these enchiladas are for the ladies only.

In her first 6 months of marriage, my sister's husband had the audacity to complain that they were having enchiladas again for dinner. They both work, yet she was the primary dinner-preparer and he complained about what he was served. I was livid hearing the story and said I would never put up with that. And then, I asked for her simple, tasty recipe.

Flash forward about 4 years and I am making dinner for my boyfriend. This is the first time I've really cooked for him; pie and cookies don't quite count. I'm making my enchiladas; they are not too difficult, they are delicious, one of my best dishes and I thought he'd like them.

First, he shows up over an hour late. Hello! When a lady is making you dinner, you come on time. Or...if you are late, you come bearing flowers to apologize for the bus/train/stupidity- whatever!

To be fair, he did bring beer because I said that would be great if he brought beer or wine. He brings Coors Light. This is my absolute least favorite light beer. And, I usually only drink Bud Light out at a bar because a)we have been drinking other things all night and this is my end drink or b)we are drinking lots of beer for the night and pitchers are cheap/mugs are $1 etc. So...he's at strike two being late and bringing yucky beer.

To be fair, he complimented the meal, but goes "I didn't realize you were cooking these. I thought it would be something like out of a box." That was the last straw, strike three. I was not in the mood to share my favorite dinner with him anymore.

So now I make enchiladas just for me and sometimes bring in the leftovers for my coworker because she loves and appreciates them.


*One final note: There is a fantastic book called I Loved, I Lost, I Made Spaghetti about a woman cooking for boyfriends and cooking when she is single. I highly recommend it.

The Harvard

There was a comment in the last post, from the fabulous C, and it reminded me of The Harvard.

That was our code name for sex so we could talk about it over work email without raising any red flags. It started because I was going to have sex with a guy and it didn't happen the night that I initiated and then we didn't talk about it EVER after that. Similarly, a friend of mine was dating a guy who mentioned that he got into Harvard Business School and then they never talked about it.

So, simple analogy and we had a code name for sex. And when there was any development in a relationship in that sense, you had to announce you had the Harvard.

My sister thought it was terrible that we used one of the most prestigious universities as our code name, but it just stuck.

I did end up having sex, or the Harvard with the guy and her guy moved to Cambridge for B school and they split up...but you can't help but laugh at the name and the connotation.

We could always use the other Ivies as a code for other things that you do on dates and in bed, hmm, something to think about ladies.

T

Um...a chaperone?

So I went on date #3 with a guy this past week. I've nick-named him "super fun guy" because we have a lot of fun together, but that's all I was getting from him. A lot of fun and a lot of beer. I was ready to say no after date #2, but there was still a strong attraction, so date #3 was make-it or break-it for me.

We first met at a charity event, did meals/drinks/sports shortly after the initial meeting for dates #1 and 2. I normally like a little more woo-ing on a date, but as the name implies, I had fun with this guy.

So, date #3, we make plans the day before, he tells me "dinner and drinks" and I'll be coming from work. He will not be coming from work because he is a bouncer trying to find his future/his dream job. I don't judge, but he's 36....so really, who dates a 36 y.o. bouncer? Oh yeah, me.

Needless to say, I have high hopes for date #3. He texts me at 6, we are supposed to meet at 7. Asks if it is okay if he brings his friend Bob to the date. I think I met Bob at the charity event, so.... I say OK. I'm picturing one of the thirtysomething guys he was hanging with the night we met.

Seriously- Bob is older than my dad. The third wheel on our date was SFG's old mentor when he used to work in finance. There is no romance and very little getting to know each other when you feel like a chaperone is on the date too. Lots of small talk and current events, but its like being at dinner with your friend's parents; you never really relax.

And it gets better...Bob paid for dinner. Which then made me wonder, did 30-something bouncer bring Bob along to pay? That is not how you impress a girl. Instead, you make her decide that there will definitely be no date #4.

I am a bit nervous about running into Super Fun Guy around the neighborhood because he lives 3 blocks north of me (in NY, that is sooooo close) , but I will have to thank him for giving me the date that pushed me over the edge to publish "In the City".

SWAK- T

Dating in the City

None of us ever set out to live like the ladies in Sex and the City, but every now and then, we have a moment where we go, "that would have been a great episode" and for people who think that Sex and the City was far fetched, trust me; sometimes these things happen.

But dating and a single girl's life is not only about sex, and neither is this blog. It is about the adventures 20-something women are having, while dating, being in relationships, and enjoying life.

I was motivated to begin this blog when I went on a date that was so weird and bad, it didn't hit me until hours after how bad it was. And it occurred to me that I have plenty of strange and humorous dates and they should be shared. So here it is, "In the City."

sealed with a kiss- T