Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Mr. and Mrs. ?

Okay, so this isn't a bad dating story, but it is something I thing about. Two lists: things that will make me a good wife (in my opinion, obviously) and things I need in a husband.

I can roast a perfect Thanksgiving turkey.
I know how to manage home improvement projects like floor replacement and kitchen renovation.
I like to watch sports.
I like to do the dishes, I find it very cathartic

Needs to be able to make eggs; I love to eat them, suck at making them. Yes, it is ironic that I can roast a turkey and not make scrambled eggs.
Keep a good household budget; try as I might, I am not so good with money. Except of course, spending it.
Ability to fix small projects, like when you come home and the top living room window falls open, someone needs to close it. (or when you're single you call the doorman for help)

Monday, June 29, 2009

How old is TOO old?

I was at a wedding recently and we were talking about the age difference between one couple (not the bride and groom) and someone said, "he's older- like 28." Most of the women at the wedding were about 25.

My reply to this was, "older is relative" because I fell for a guy recently who wasn't quite honest about his age. We met at a charity event and totally hit it off; like the kind of night where you talk in the bar until 3am without drinking too much and just falling for each other. I had never had a night like that.

Before our official first date, I googled him (I usually do...) and had an inkling that he was older than me. This was based on his school resume on his Linked In account. I was hoping he was the legal version of Doogie Howser. Either way, I was still intrigued and thought if he felt significantly older, it wouldn't go past the first date.

Needless to say, he didn't feel too old. Second date, I pushed him to admit how old he was. He said 10 years ago, he moved to NY and was my age. So....35. Not too bad, totally within my range. And again, we had chemistry.

Come 4th date, after he had been to my place and seen my lifestyle and pictures, he basically told me we needed to stop dating. In part because he realized he was almost closer in age to my dad than to me. Yikes!

Turns out, he was 40. Still a good guy, but 15 years is too much. I think deep down that I knew he wasn't really 35 but turned a blind eye because he intrigued me. Lesson learned there, trust your gut!

There are a couple of more stories about this one....ladies who know them, don't spoil them in the comments, they are coming soon.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Fuming Friday: Lying on a date

I know when you're on the first couple of dates with someone you are trying to present your best self. But if that involves lying, did it ever occur to you that you would be caught if you continued to date this person? If you feel like you have to lie to impress a girl, maybe she isn't right for you.

Agreeing with something that you actually don't agree with, lying about your age, making up stories about summer houses or jobs....all of these are things that have happened to me and once I got more serious with the people, I realized they weren't true.

I'm not really angry about those, but rather, disappointed because I learned he was not the person I thought I was falling for.

I understand it takes a lot of confidence to date, especially in NYC where people are constantly trying to impress each other, but please, be yourself. If someone doesn't like you for you, you should not be dating!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Guest Post: He Did WHAT?!

This guest post is from K, a very great friend who has had her share of dating in the city...

Breakups are rarely easy. There is the heartache, denial, and rebounding.

Skip forward to the rebounding…. It’s fair to say that in August of 2008 I was on the rebound. My boyfriend (who was involved in coining “the Harvard” ) had left me for, well, Harvard. One Thursday night, I was a combination of hurt, horney and drunk. I found myself at some dive bar on the East side of town staring at an ex’s friend. Way too many shots, gin and tonics and Bud Lights later we were headed to his place.

I’ve never been a fan of the “away game.” I prefer to use my own bathroom, sleep in my own bed and wake up without having to take the walk of shame. Besides, girls apartments are always MUCH nicer. So in the taxi on the way to this guys place I made an executive decision and rerouted the taxi to my place instead.

The details at this point get incredibly foggy. There was awkward drunk undressing and sloppy sloppy sex after which we both passed out. Fast forward approximately 3 hours to 5am. I awake groggy and hung over. As my hand falls to my side I feel something oddly warm and wet. Immediately, I spring up and realized the horror – he peed in my bed. My beautiful, soft, pillowtop bed complete with designer sheets and bedding. This was not just a small leak but rather a massive flooding. I immediately pushed his naked ass out of bed and ripped the sheets off. I kicked him out so fast I didn’t even get a name. As he was leaving all I could hear was, “I’m so sorry – this has happened before.”

OH MY GOD! If this has happened before you need to do one of a few things:
1. Stop drinking
2. Wear Depends
3. Stop drinking

Now it’s 5am, I’m still drunk and in a full panic. I want to call my friends but none of them will be too happy to hear from me at 5am. But still, I don’t know what to do. The obvious solution is to call…. the radio station! (seriously, what was I thinking).

They were of NO help so I proceeded to mop up the mess with paper towel and call a cleaning service. The cleaning cost almost $300 so of course I called my ex to find out who this guy was and get him to pay. He made me fully explain the entire situation before agreeing to broker a payment.

I still have no idea who this guy was but I got a certified check in the mail and almost a year later I’ve finally stopped having nightmares about waking up in a pool of urine. I’ve also stopped having one night stands.


Friday, June 19, 2009

Fuming Friday: Facebook Photos

Doesn't it just drive you crazy when an ex posts pictures on his Facebook page in an album called "Friends" but all the people are people you introduced him to? And even though you were at all the events, there isn't one picture of you included? Oh, and the pictures are from your camera.

The morning I discovered this I was so angry. Buddy, you wouldn't have met those people, been to those parties, or had those pictures if it weren't for me.

But I win, because the friends know they were with me before him and will stick with me after him.

PS- love the alliteration of the title :) TGIF

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Sick and Single

Sorry it's been so quiet this week. I came down with strep throat, so definitely no dating!

Though I think the germs could have come from a guy...more on him later ;)


Friday, June 12, 2009

Fuming Friday

I've decided that Fridays are going to be short rants about boyfriends/dates/guys that leave you fuming for a bit. Because the dating world is not really all laughs, there have been things that really made me mad. Feel free to share yours; I don't think I have enough for every Friday. But here's my first sound off:

"Undeserving Enchiladas"

I make really good enchiladas. My recipe is based on what my sister makes, but I'm thinking these enchiladas are for the ladies only.

In her first 6 months of marriage, my sister's husband had the audacity to complain that they were having enchiladas again for dinner. They both work, yet she was the primary dinner-preparer and he complained about what he was served. I was livid hearing the story and said I would never put up with that. And then, I asked for her simple, tasty recipe.

Flash forward about 4 years and I am making dinner for my boyfriend. This is the first time I've really cooked for him; pie and cookies don't quite count. I'm making my enchiladas; they are not too difficult, they are delicious, one of my best dishes and I thought he'd like them.

First, he shows up over an hour late. Hello! When a lady is making you dinner, you come on time. Or...if you are late, you come bearing flowers to apologize for the bus/train/stupidity- whatever!

To be fair, he did bring beer because I said that would be great if he brought beer or wine. He brings Coors Light. This is my absolute least favorite light beer. And, I usually only drink Bud Light out at a bar because a)we have been drinking other things all night and this is my end drink or b)we are drinking lots of beer for the night and pitchers are cheap/mugs are $1 etc. So...he's at strike two being late and bringing yucky beer.

To be fair, he complimented the meal, but goes "I didn't realize you were cooking these. I thought it would be something like out of a box." That was the last straw, strike three. I was not in the mood to share my favorite dinner with him anymore.

So now I make enchiladas just for me and sometimes bring in the leftovers for my coworker because she loves and appreciates them.

*One final note: There is a fantastic book called I Loved, I Lost, I Made Spaghetti about a woman cooking for boyfriends and cooking when she is single. I highly recommend it.

Friday, June 5, 2009

The Harvard

There was a comment in the last post, from the fabulous C, and it reminded me of The Harvard.

That was our code name for sex so we could talk about it over work email without raising any red flags. It started because I was going to have sex with a guy and it didn't happen the night that I initiated and then we didn't talk about it EVER after that. Similarly, a friend of mine was dating a guy who mentioned that he got into Harvard Business School and then they never talked about it.

So, simple analogy and we had a code name for sex. And when there was any development in a relationship in that sense, you had to announce you had the Harvard.

My sister thought it was terrible that we used one of the most prestigious universities as our code name, but it just stuck.

I did end up having sex, or the Harvard with the guy and her guy moved to Cambridge for B school and they split up...but you can't help but laugh at the name and the connotation.

We could always use the other Ivies as a code for other things that you do on dates and in bed, hmm, something to think about ladies.


Monday, June 1, 2009

Um...a chaperone?

So I went on date #3 with a guy this past week. I've nick-named him "super fun guy" because we have a lot of fun together, but that's all I was getting from him. A lot of fun and a lot of beer. I was ready to say no after date #2, but there was still a strong attraction, so date #3 was make-it or break-it for me.

We first met at a charity event, did meals/drinks/sports shortly after the initial meeting for dates #1 and 2. I normally like a little more woo-ing on a date, but as the name implies, I had fun with this guy.

So, date #3, we make plans the day before, he tells me "dinner and drinks" and I'll be coming from work. He will not be coming from work because he is a bouncer trying to find his future/his dream job. I don't judge, but he's 36....so really, who dates a 36 y.o. bouncer? Oh yeah, me.

Needless to say, I have high hopes for date #3. He texts me at 6, we are supposed to meet at 7. Asks if it is okay if he brings his friend Bob to the date. I think I met Bob at the charity event, so.... I say OK. I'm picturing one of the thirtysomething guys he was hanging with the night we met.

Seriously- Bob is older than my dad. The third wheel on our date was SFG's old mentor when he used to work in finance. There is no romance and very little getting to know each other when you feel like a chaperone is on the date too. Lots of small talk and current events, but its like being at dinner with your friend's parents; you never really relax.

And it gets better...Bob paid for dinner. Which then made me wonder, did 30-something bouncer bring Bob along to pay? That is not how you impress a girl. Instead, you make her decide that there will definitely be no date #4.

I am a bit nervous about running into Super Fun Guy around the neighborhood because he lives 3 blocks north of me (in NY, that is sooooo close) , but I will have to thank him for giving me the date that pushed me over the edge to publish "In the City".