Guest Post: He Did WHAT?!

This guest post is from K, a very great friend who has had her share of dating in the city...

Breakups are rarely easy. There is the heartache, denial, and rebounding.

Skip forward to the rebounding…. It’s fair to say that in August of 2008 I was on the rebound. My boyfriend (who was involved in coining “the Harvard” ) had left me for, well, Harvard. One Thursday night, I was a combination of hurt, horney and drunk. I found myself at some dive bar on the East side of town staring at an ex’s friend. Way too many shots, gin and tonics and Bud Lights later we were headed to his place.

I’ve never been a fan of the “away game.” I prefer to use my own bathroom, sleep in my own bed and wake up without having to take the walk of shame. Besides, girls apartments are always MUCH nicer. So in the taxi on the way to this guys place I made an executive decision and rerouted the taxi to my place instead.

The details at this point get incredibly foggy. There was awkward drunk undressing and sloppy sloppy sex after which we both passed out. Fast forward approximately 3 hours to 5am. I awake groggy and hung over. As my hand falls to my side I feel something oddly warm and wet. Immediately, I spring up and realized the horror – he peed in my bed. My beautiful, soft, pillowtop bed complete with designer sheets and bedding. This was not just a small leak but rather a massive flooding. I immediately pushed his naked ass out of bed and ripped the sheets off. I kicked him out so fast I didn’t even get a name. As he was leaving all I could hear was, “I’m so sorry – this has happened before.”

OH MY GOD! If this has happened before you need to do one of a few things:
1. Stop drinking
2. Wear Depends
3. Stop drinking

Now it’s 5am, I’m still drunk and in a full panic. I want to call my friends but none of them will be too happy to hear from me at 5am. But still, I don’t know what to do. The obvious solution is to call…. the radio station! (seriously, what was I thinking).

They were of NO help so I proceeded to mop up the mess with paper towel and call a cleaning service. The cleaning cost almost $300 so of course I called my ex to find out who this guy was and get him to pay. He made me fully explain the entire situation before agreeing to broker a payment.

I still have no idea who this guy was but I got a certified check in the mail and almost a year later I’ve finally stopped having nightmares about waking up in a pool of urine. I’ve also stopped having one night stands.

-K